My Rating is dropping! My Rating is Dropping!!!!

There are certain things in life that measure where your mental health is at. These are things that maybe you don't realize that are indicators of  your mood, how hectic your life is and such. We are all different, so these units of measurement are most likely different for each of us. It could be something at work, a game, or something else.

I have two such indicators that show how things are going, the first one is Chess. I play Chess at Chess.com (Here is my profile), if you click on my online games you will see that my rating has fallen quite a bit this week. The thing I have learned most about chess is that when my life is hectic or if I am not in the right frame of mind is when I make the mistakes that ultimately causes me to lose games. This doesn't really upset me as much as I am used to losing , and really don't mind it at all.

I have been able to fix this by taking the time and thinking about my next move before I do it. I take this approach in life as well. When things are busy or you are not feeling well mentally, sometime you just have to really think about the things that are causing the issues and put them in perspective. If the issue can be fixed , I try to get organised on how to fix them. If they can't, then I need to accept it and move on .

Another indicator is when I go on my long runs. (I am training for the Erie Marathon in September) . When things are going well I have no problem completing them and blocking out the negative thoughts. However lately I have not been completing them due to these thoughts, I am physically able to get them done, but something in my head has been making me stop. The techniques that I have used in the past have not been working this time, so this is my cry for help. I can't seem to figure this one out.

Usually I try to use these entries to try to help others, however this time I need help. Any suggestions? You can enter them in the comments below or email them to me at densilwilson@gmail.com .Thanks!

Laurel Run 2011

"The Mission of The Resource Center is to support individuals with disabilities and other challenges in achieving maximum independence, contributing to their community, experiencing lifelong growth, and enjoying quality of life. "

This is taken from The Resource Center's web site. Since 1959 The Resource center has done what their mission statement has said. I have personally had the pleasure working with people associated with this organization and organizations like this for many years . I have been inspired by the people that I have worked and have learned very much from them.

This year I will once again be participating in the "Laurel Run" which is an 8k Run or 5K walk that supports the Resource Center of Chautauqua County. It has been my pleasure to get to know the Hotellings and be a part of this event again. It is becoming one of my favorite days of the year and I can't wait for this years race. I am looking forward to this race where I can set two Personal Records, my fasted 8K and hopefully, with your help, a fund raising record as well.

Here is how you can help:
By Donating:
1. Visit my fundraising page : http://www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/densil-wilson/laurelrun2011
2 E-Mail  me at densilwilson@gmail.com and I will send you my address
3 Private message me on Facebook and I will send you me address as well.

Do you want to Participate?
Go to the Laurel Run Website(http://www.laurel-run.org/) for more information and I hope to see you there!!!!!
Thank You,
DJ

Why You Wanna Trip on Sarah Palin?

Michael Jackson wrote a song that appeared on his "Dangerous" Album called "Why you Wanna Trip on me?". He wonders about with all of the issues in the world today, why is there so much focus on him. I think that the same holds true for Sarah Palin.

I am a fan of Palin. I like and share many of her views and think that she would make a fine President if given the chance. However , if she were to be elected, her presidency would be a failure. Too many people would find reasons to bring her down and that alone would be too big of a distraction and nothing would get done. For this reason I would advise her not to run and continue to do what she is doing now.

What she is doing now is being a political activist, she is paid to share her views and that she is doing. She does not hold political office and makes no decisions that involves our country.However , people treat her as if she will be the death of the United States as we know it. If you really want Sarah Palin to go away.... just ignore her. She is around because of the response that she draws out in people, negative or positive. 

 Let me repeat this... She has in no way any power to create policy to change your life, she does NOT hold any political office. By letting her get to you in a negative way makes no sense to me, just ignore her, she can't hurt you  that way.

With unemployment almost up to 10% (Even higher because people have just given up claiming ), gas prices reaching record levels and a government that just does not understand the issues that are effecting us everyday, why so much focus on someone who is not in position to do anything about it? Let us switch our focus to the people who are in position to do something about it and hold THEM accountable.

Fighting the Bad Dreams

Today I am putting on my running shoes for the first time since the Buffalo Marathon on May 29th. It was nice to get away from the running for a week, but now it is time to get back and work harder than I have ever worked before.

Since the race I have had bad dreams almost every night about people laughing at me , calling me a failure. I have woken up several times with the feeling that I have let people down, and that I am a quitter. I think about the race all the time and question my decision to drop out. Should I have tried to finish? Should I have run until my body quit working ?

When I see my friends that happen to be runners, I find myself hanging my head and have trouble making eye contact when I talk to them. Not sure the reason why, but maybe subconsciously I feel that I don't measure up .

My two races this year have not gone the way that I liked . I know that I have worked hard to prepare for both and with at least two more races coming up I have to continue to work so I can turn this around, but how do I erase the nervousness that I feel and this new expectation that I have that I am going to fail? Training the mind is much harder than training the body.

I am going to try to do it the only way that I know how, and that is to lace up my shoes and get back at it, put my faith in God and the ability that He gave me to run for long distances. There is a reason why I am having these troubles and I have to learn something from it.

But first I have to cut the timing chip off my shoe from a week ago.

Getting My Feet Back Into My Asics

The original title for this entry was " Lessons learned from my Failure", but that is not who I am, that is not what I want to focus on.

After 5 months of training a simple stomach virus and some hamstring pain derailed my run and forced me out of the Buffalo Marathon at the halfway mark . I was crushed yesterday, I was hunched over crying like a child in the middle of Buffalo . I have not felt that much disappointment in a long time. I was at a low point and I am still trying to get myself back up . With the help of my wife, family and some great friends I know I will, but it will take a little more time.

Last night I was having dreams of people mocking me and calling me a loser and that I failed. These are the feelings that I have to get over. Those of you who know me , know that I will get by this and use it as motivation to succeed in the future . I have never like to dwell on the negative parts of my life , but to use it as a learning tool for the future. This event will be no different.

Before the issues started I was running comfortable at a pace that would have qualified me for the Boston Marathon. At first this depressed me, but I was not expecting to qualify for Boston until my fall marathon, so I feel I am already in shape enough qualify for the event . Another positive is that even with me walking and plotting along the last couple miles I still achieved my personal best Half Marathon. There are things to take from this experience that are positives.

So to sum it all up, I will move forward , but not forget this event . I will use it as motivation to succeed in future events. I am going to give my body and my mind a week off from running and get myself back in my Asics next Monday for the Erie Marathon in September. With the continued support of Sheri, my family and great friends , how can I fail?

You Can Do It....If You Want

Too many times we give up....believe things are too impossible to do or overcome. We take the easy way out..we quit or don't even try . We are to afraid to fail and we are afraid of what failure would mean to our lives and what people would would think of us if we do not succeed. What we don't understand that if we don't even try or give an honest effort at something , we have already failed. I can live with failure if I give everything I got to succeed at something and fail, I will brush myself off and learn from my mistakes and get right back at it.

Roger Bannister

I just finished a book called "The Perfect Mile" by Neal Bascomb . It is about three runners in the 1950's who were attempting to break the four minute mile barrier. Many believed that it was physically impossible to do it,but that did not stop Wes Santee,John Landy, and Roger Bannister from giving everything they had to try to break it. Each one had their own reason to achieve the goal.Finally Roger Bannister broke it on May 6,1954. Today the mile record stands at 3:43.13 and it is held by Hicham El Guerrouj of Morocco. He did it in 1999.

This book got me to think about how sometimes when life puts up a barrier in front of you , whether it was self imposed or it came as a surprise , how we handle this barrier show a glimpse of we we are made of. It is human nature to think that we can't do it , but it is within our own nature to actually try to give an honest effort to do it or give up.

Me Running the 2010 Buffalo Turkey Trot

Don't ever think that you are alone in your quest to succeed,even though sometimes it feels that you are. I believe that there is always there to help you, be there to support you and help you break the barrier or help you deal with any time that you fail.Take stock of the people in your life, I am sure that their are plenty of people to help. If you can't  think of anyone, there are always places you can go to support you.

Running has taught me many things about myself. It has taught me that if I want something , like qualifying for the Boston marathon, I have to work for it. I sometimes have to push my body through workouts that my mind tells me that my body just can't do. I know that if for some reason I don't qualify for Boston , it won't be because I didn't try. I can live with that.

It is not just about fnishing...... I have a duty

The Buffalo Marathon is a little more than three weeks away, this will mark my 3rd marathon and what hopes to be the first of two this year. I have trained harder for this race than I have done in the past, The results so far have been positive. I have broken through many barriers that I never thought I would, which is exciting because I feel that there are many more barriers to be broken.

This time around I have been inspired by reading books about running . I was really inspired by Meb Keflezighi's(winner of the 2009 New York City Marathon) book "Run to Overcome"  , and now I am in the middle of the book "The Perfect Mile" by Neal Bascomb. If you are a runner in need of inspiration , I recommend both . 


I have written in the past that my father was a major inspiration for my running again, I dedicated my first marathon to him. He is a man that has fought and beaten many obstacles in his life and by far is the toughest man I know. However through out my running journey there have been many who have inspired me to lace up my Nikes (now Asics) and get out there .

I am sitting here wanting to name everyone , but I don't want to bore you to death, but I will say that what inspires me is people that don't back down from a challenge. Challenges can come from many angles, it can be self imposed like running a marathon. It can be because you are trying to prove that you can still walk up the biggest hill in town , after you have had tumors removed from your legs. It can be that you stand in the mirror one day and say to the person staring back at you that you have had enough and you are going to change ...and you do. I get inspired by people who reach their dreams , like running the Boston Marathon . I get inspired by the mother of 4 who puts her life on hold so she can be a great mom, but will find the time to run another marathon with her brother...hopefully soon.


I recently received an e-mail from a friend who called me an inspiration, this shocked me a bit. I don't think of my self inspiring anyone. I have felt a little guilty about my running, it is a selfish sport. I try to involve my family in it, but ultimately it is me out there . I got to thinking about what people thought when the saw me running  (one they got past the goofy tights) . Do I inspire them?


I know two people that I do inspire and they are my kids. I want them to see that Daddy doesn't quit and that I will reach my goals, but it will take a lot of hard work.